every kids dream

it's not often you get paid to play sports. not many people really do. if you were to crunch the numbers, what percentage of people in the world are paid athletes? it's can't be high, but i won't even wager a guess (.47%). not true. totally just made that up. it's really easy. try it. need some help? monkey's talk, but they have so much disdain for people, they won't talk around you. no respect.

want to try again? seasonal evolution. it's real. global warming is a myth invented to scare people, like when the threat level is raised...but it's more of a liberal threat than the "we just stopped a bomb from landing on your dog" republican threat.

but yeah, seasonal evolution. the seasons are slowly changing their patters and are starting later and later. given enough time, summer will be winter, winter summer, june will be february...you get the point. anyway, that was fun.

back to the topic at hand.....big announcement time.....


I AM NOW A PROFESSIONAL SLOW PITCH SOFTBALL PLAYER.

read that again......

it's true. this summer i will be getting paid to play softball. i'm am the firm team's manager. i get paid to fill up the cooler, find someone to carry the bat bag and get paid to hit the ball, catch the ball, throw the ball yada yada yada. afterwords, we always go out drinking. i don't get paid for that and let's face it, i'd be a bad professional drinker. i can't handle liquor, i only drink 2 nights a week and i get buzzed on 2 beers. in fact, if i were a professional drinker, it would be the right of every alcoholic to punch me in the face and kidney before starting any conversation with one of them ever. the ultimate poser i would be.

so yeah, i get paid to play softball. do you get paid to play sports? cause i do now. it's amazing. i get paid to essentially get fat, move slowly and take pinch runners whenever i want.

this is my biggest accomplishment.