UPDATE:

South Carolina....still not awesome.

2.5 weeks later and there is still officially nothing to do in the not great state of SC. There is really nothing to do besides work, because when you're not working, there is nothing else to do.

However, all that changes today because I get to go home on a 6 pm flight. Now, one week ago I was going home right up until this exact time right now only to be told I would in fact be staying here to work on everyone else's work...that's not totally true. I was staying because the lead paralegal in charge has a task a retarded monkey could do but nonetheless has assigned that task to herself, meaning she "doesn't have time for her other responsibilities." Cool, my work load just tripled. true story.

But this time I actually get to go home and for like 4 days. No court between tomorrow and Tuesday, meaning in what attorneys have called the slowest trial ever, there are cool things like 4 days off for no good reason. I understand the Easter holiday might give some reason to having Thursday and Friday off and maybe even throw in Monday as a travel day, but what the deuce on Tuesday? People have to get back in town to take care of wedding stuff, damn, it's like this stranger isn't even taking into account all this stuff I have to accomplish in EXACTLY ONE MONTH.

That is today, March 19. One month from the day where I Do's are uttered, my drunk friends, aka you bastards, make inappropriate comments to mine and the doctor's families including drunk awkward conversation that in your mind could lead to something romantic with one of our family members only in their mind will lead to their military relatives drowning you in the Baltimore Harbor. But no, keep taking, I'm sure it will work out for you.

And a pleasant request, April 19 is not your day to exact revenge for all of the inappropriate comments or actions I've thrown your way in the past. Be a mature adult and wait until my funeral for that shit. And it's not like the funeral can really be that far off. I eat steak at every meal (it's what did Curly in) (well, that was bacon but they're close anyway), we drink roughly every night, we drive intentionally like assholes down here (though that's mostly a co worker of mine trying to freak me out) and, AND AND, I jaywalk at least once a day.

I'd love to fill you in on all the rad times we've had here. There was this one night, we were at a bar, we had like 3 beers and dinner. Man, that was a good time. OH, I totally forgot! The fire alarm went off at my hotel. There was no fire but the alarm did go off.

Seriously though, the best thing that happened to me since I've been down here is Hulu. Free movies and TV. can't complain about that. Well, I guess I can complain about this:

I watched "The Skulls" which has Charlie from the Mighty Ducks. I think some of you know him for Dawson's Creek as the kid who bones the teacher, but he's Captain Duck to me. Anyway, The Skulls are a secret society at Yale and it's got all the guys you hate playing miserable roles and doing really bad acting. At no point are any characters explained or does anything make sense in this whole thing but it was a decent watch for someone who has spent hour after hour in front of a computer for the last 2.5 weeks. The movie ends in the greatest way possible: absolutely no closure. On the unintentional comedy scale, it only ranks behind "Twister" as funniest serious line every.

In "Twister", as Bill Paxton and the Helen Hunt are driving down the highway chasing a tornedo, Helen Hunt goes "Oh no" and Bill Paxton goes, "Yeah, horizontal rain" as if that was supposed to be like this huge development and the audience was supposed to do a collective gasp. I burst out laughing and to this day will see that movie is on TBS, turn to is and try to catch that part. If I can't, or if I see any mention to this movie and am around other people, I will always let them know about the horizontal rain line. Movies just need inspirational lines like this for people like me to watch over and over again.

But in "The Skulls", Charlie has always wanted to be a Skull and then all this drama happens and in the end he's like "I don't want to be a Skull". The Skull who pretty much saved his life is all, "I'm going to call on you to pay back this favor, always a Skull blah blah blah" and Charlie's like "I owe you nothing, eff the Skulls" and then the older Skull is like "Can you live knowing that I still might come calling" and Charlie's like "Yeah, I can live with that." Unintentionally funny right? WRONG. The next line, as Charlie is walking off, the older Skull, to no one, just out loud drops the line "Good work son. Good work." HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Unintentionally HI-FREAKING-LARIOUS. The only thing funnier than that line was the close up on his face as he said it.

That's my report. Hope it made you hungry.