Why I hate being married

It's the last day of school.

I'm hammered.

I want to drunk dial someone who will appreciate my situation.

I think to myself, "I should call my wife."

This is why...I hate...myself.

If I knew the requirements for what a haiku is, I'd say this is one...but I don't so I'd say they should make an amendment (how very American) and let the above stand for one.