Free the evironment!!!

Well DAMN! If it's blog on for the environment day, I should probably get in on the action. For too long the environment has been held captive by all these pests with their aerosol spray cans and Styrofoam. No longer will the oppressive tyranny of the ground walkers be tolerated for today is blog for the environment...or something ridiculously fucking stupid like that. But, in the words of Toad, "Here I go!"

So I generally use the bathroom in the basement of my office building...almost 100% because the one on my floor is the most nasty place ever and is usually dominated by the 40 or so temps that sit right across from it...and the other 65 men who sit on my floor. It's just a terrible experience. I've walked in before, stepped one foot in and turned right back around. I think if someone saw me walking with a hand over my butt and I informed them that I was in fact walking like that because I had just merc-ed my pants because I couldn't take the odor coming from the bathroom, they would actually understand it and not even harass me about the fact that my pant leg was changing to a bit of a darker shade right before our eyes.

Anyway, so I go to this bathroom and almost every time I do, someone has filled up one of the toilets with toilet paper. This also happens to be the toilet that barely flushes in the first place, so I find this act very immature...somewhere below writing about pooing your pants instead of using a smelly bathroom and above dining on once passed corn. So I think that's pretty bad for the environment to waste the amount of water it takes for the requisite flushes to empty that.

Let's change course because I'm getting upset just thinking about it.

So if today really is blog on for the environment, I would also like to announce that today is the day that I jump the shark and actually post about that or something.

Nope. I can't. Problem is, I'm not entirely sure what I have to say is the intention of the blog on plan, so I'm just going to go ahead and do what I want.

In the last week, the lack of recycling in my apartment building has started to get to me. In my place, we go through a lot of recyclable materials....be they beer cans/bottles, aluminum cans that store beans or the like or even just newspapers. Growing up, my dad instituted a recycling program on the campus of the school we grew up at. Our house always had two or three garbage cans outside specifically broken up by type of material: can, glass or cardboard. Simply put, it makes sense to recycle. It doesn't cost you anything extra and it's not like it's hard to do. The problem comes when your city doesn't offer recycling. We just don't have it or at least no one has ever done anything about it in my building. I guess now is the time someone says, "hey, you can make a difference" and to that i would reply, "I can also make a paper airplane but it never flies right and gets me totally depressed. What would happen if I try and get recycling in my building and fail? Won't that kill a baby dolphin or something?" And now I have to ask you, do you want the blood of a baby dolphin on my hands? What about your hands? I don't think that's very good for the environment...do you?

So it's upsetting to have to tell people, "no we don't recycle, just throw it away."

There you go Willis.

Onto other things. We're approaching 6 months from the day where I officially tell the doctor SUCKER and she says yes. Can't wait. But this also means we're only a few months away from the first of its kind bachelors party. I know a few of the college lads have gotten married in the past few months and there is one in 3 weeks, but this is a little different. Take what usual debauchery happens at my birthday parties, add final hours of freedom pressure/willingness to break any and all laws and you have the first bachelor party for a collection of kids who spent their high school years high, drunk, stealing cars, crashing cars, crashing stolen cars and other general nonsense that any teen gets involved with. Now, combine that with the same kids only 8 years older...now add money to the equation and also take into account that though we have gotten older we have also gotten dumber and more brazen to pretty much the point where there truly is no line.

And then we have the start of the party. Only problem is, we don't have a place of yet. Shouldn't be that big of a deal though, right? It's not about location. It's about going to a location only to find out you don't know where you are, who you came with and definitely no idea of how you're going to get home. I guess that's the point.

This weekend is the first bachelor party I will attend. I guess I can take some notes from it or something, but it should be a good time. A college lad of mine is getting married to a college gal of mine. Lads and gals, coming together as one. The ladies are all heading up to NYC for "massages" and the guys are heading down to Ocean City, MD for "drunken acts" and "fat, whory strippers" who "hopefully won't put an attachment on my friends head" only I secretly hope the fat stripper straps an attachment to his head but loses her balance and does some sort of damage that we will have to explain to all wedding guests.

Just imagine it:

"Yes, that's right. The reason the groom can't feel the left side of his body is that the head strapped dildo he was using to anal penetrate the fat, yeasty stripper slipped a disc in his neck when the aforementioned stripper fell off the sex swing she was riding during the bachelor party."

That would be sweet.