I can't be held responsible for the things I say or write...

4.04.2006

much to say, not much time

so everyone has those few weeks at work where busy can't even describe how much work there is to do. we have a seminar coming up in a few weeks and we, as paralegals, have to "cite-check" every document the lawyers put together. what does this mean? hours and hours of making sure, for lack of a better way of saying it, "legal formatting" is being followed for any case cited to in a brief.

but i had a weekend. i went to Tijuana and went to one of those shows...you know, where a woman fucks a horse? that was actually from the 40 year old virgin, but damn i love that movie.

i went to lively, watch your back or you might get jumped for your nixes Fredericksburg, Virginia. There was a frisbee tournament. It was actually a really good time.

How was the tournament? Who cares. How was playing with a golf club? Well let me tell you. So inbetween games, bert decides to tee off on his nalgene with the 3 wood we have acquired. standing about 15 yards away and trying to field grounders was a lot of fun. However, the inbetween hop is a doozy, so be careful. no one was hurt and no one came nearly as close to being hurt compared to when i threw the golf club into the beer garden and nearly missed two of my teammates whop had no idea what just missed them. there were about 50 people in the beer garden at the time and after that hit the ground, there were 100 eyes on me, all with mouths opened....i still don't know what their problems were...i mean, it's a frisbee tournament, shit happens. fucking hippies.

so later, after the games, we find the old trusty 3 wood again and decide it is time to have a 3 wood throwing contest. bert is a lot better at this than everyone too. all of my tosses would go really really high and far but hooked left and over some trees. it was awesome and all but i need to work on my game.

the hotel we stayed at hosted the hotel party...some of the highlights there were:

1. putting a giant "X" made of tape on our friends window and telling them we were going to repel through the window later that night...they think we're on coke, but hey, it's better than heroin.

2. going to mcdonald's and ordering a spicy chicken meal, a cheeseburger and a mcchicken sandwich and eating them all myself in under 8 minutes...i still haven't recovered and the lady at the counter who said "what kind of beer are you on" to which i replied "miller high life lite ice" still hasn't called me...i wonder why not?

3. getting dragged out of a room by my ankles after i refused to leave. i went into a room where a few of my friends were enjoying an adult spirit or two but were not on my level..i was asked to leave but declined that request...now i have a large scratch on my back.

4. a few of my friends are twins. these are new friends, so it's hard for me to tell them apart. in reality, i still have no idea which one is which, but i know one of them has a girlfriend named elaine. in a room of 25 people who all could tell the difference between the two, i made it a point to never let that information get stuck in my brain. for some reason, this entertained the room for what seemed like hours, but was probably only 30 seconds of entertainment and 45 minutes of misery...had we repelled through the window, it would have been worth it.

5. there was a party. i was pretending to dance in a way of making fun of my friend and then the mother of all april fool's moments happened to me: i fell flat on my face into a puddle of beer. at this point, roughly 10:30 pm on a saturday night, i decided enough was enough and off it bed it was....of course, there was an elevator ride to go. i enter the elevator with a friend of mine (NOTE: if you are this friend, please let me know, i have no idea who it was and need more info about this encounter) and i see a woman in the elevator. who knows what i say to her but her response is amazing. she tilts her head to the side and goes "Small dick?" shocked/in love i stumble for a response. sober me would have responded "above average" because if you don't know at this point, where have you been. but about 16 hours later i am still floating on cloud nine about this experience when i realize the best comeback ever in that situation would have been "Well, it's better than an oversized labia"

weekend over, sunburn still here, above average.

passed out by 11 pm on saturday night and everyone else was up until 4. i'd like to believe i did enough damage though.

well, i am busy for another few days, so perhaps not too much will be here, but you never know.

in conclusion, the countdown to 1000 is at 985

2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i have no idea who you rode the evelator with, other then you very excited when you got into room at the fact that you dropped tro in the elevator and the chick said 'small penis'

1:00 PM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you actually dropped your shorts in the elevator and she actually saw your manliness, can you still come back with the "oversized labia" comment?

2:26 PM

 

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