stroke of luck

a lot of people heard about my friday night. it went like this:

it was a co workers last day and the send off happy hour was at a bar/restaurant where they served lots of really nice belguim beers. the unique thing about all of them is that they come in their own glasses.

as the only paralegal invited, i felt both honored and like i had to be firing on all cylindars at all times. it started off well.

first round of beers were called Kawk and came in a glass that had it's own stand. it tasted delicious and the stand was pretty sweet. we drank a few other beers as the night went on, but i stayed steady with the Kawk - dare i say loved the kawk - for the majority of the evening. it's also important to realize that these are not your typical kings (budweiser). the alcohol content is pretty high in each one. add in that we ate some fries for dinner and yours truly was well aware at 8 pm that he was in trouble.

but that doesn't stop anyone ever, right? right. because i was like, "no way, i just ate some fries, i'm all set for the rest of the night". because that makes sense to think that way...it's logic afterall.

so around 9:30 i place a phone call to jack, trying to convince him we need to go to the kickball party. i'd been meaning to tell him for 2 weeks that he was right when he said the best season of "24" was season 3...it really is awesome. check it out.

however, he tells me that timmy is not planning on going and therefore he is not going to go. i decided that timmy has been compromised, because if you know timmy, he goes to these things. staying in the theme of "24", Jack is instructed to say the word "mazeltov" if timmy is in the room. mazeltov is spoken. the rest is hazy, but the confirmation coming through meant i must talk to timmy to determine if in fact jack had been compromised. so i get on with timmy and he confirms jack is compromised with the code "alpha alpha".

does any of that make sense? absolutely not. but what happened next will likely.

so after i get off the phone with them, i look at the people i am with and decide that i am going to change and get ready to go. apparantly, they were getting ready to leave too.

so i go into the bathroom (most amazing bathrooms ever. i should have just slept there, they were that nice) and change. i take all of my possesions out of my pockets so that i will have them to put into my shorts. then i come out of the bathroom, say goodbye to my friends and take off.

about 20 yards from the bar, in the middle of K street, i exercise some of the demons from my multiple beers. not too much, but enough to feel a little better.

i get about 4 blocks from the bar when i decide there is no way i can walk all the way home and no chance of getting on the metro either. so i go to call my roommate and that feeling you get no matter how drunk or sober you are kicks in. i have no cell phone. i have no wallet. i have no chap stick. NOT THE CHAP STICK!.

i have the 3 second debate of deciding to live without those posessions and then turn around to go back to the bar. i was terrified my co workers would still be there, but thankfully they were not.

as i walk in, i see another friend who asks me, "hey, want to sit down and have a beer with me?" to which i respond, "i want to get my wallet and cell phone and get the fuck out of here."

then i enter the bathroom and they are not where i left them. crap. i really liked that chap stick.

as i exit the bathroom, tired, drunk and sort of panicked, i see a woman staring at me with that, "you dumb bastard" look. she is an employee of the restaurant and says the nicest thing ever to me. "i have you stuff". awesome.

first she gets a hug.

then i offered her all the money in my wallet...which was likely received with the previous look again.

i say goodbye to her, my friend at the bar and out i go.

right down the middle of K street again....and more demons come out.

my standard was:

walk 2 steps left, walk 2 steps right, walk 3 steps left with the last one putting you in the road again and then quickly jump back on the curb...with the occasional boot.

so i get about to where i first realized i left my wallet at the bar and catch a cab. i ask how much the ride will cost once i get in and immediately get it ready. about halfway home, i ask him to pull over. he says "here?" and i say "i don't want to destroy your cab."

so i pay full price, get out and commence the 2 steps side to side walk but this time i boot each time i change direction for about a half a block. it was hilarious.

i was booting, laughing, tearing and yelling at myself all at once. probably the greatest youtube video ever this would have been.

i have no idea how i didn't die on the way home. not sure how i didn't get hit by a car and just amazed that at 26, i pulled off the same shit i did my first night at college.

so i spent the weekend wondering if the people i was out with knew what i had gotten myself into. i come in, go up and say thanks for hanging out friday night. i asked if it was odd that i just upped and left and was told that we were all planning and leaving...and all shitfaced.

thank God. gracias Dios.

can't believe i made it home alive and can't believe it wasn't just me.