DING DING DING DING

THE 200TH POST SPECTACULAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow. I have so many people to thank. First, Jesus. Second, God for having Jesus. Third, Alex Liss for teaching us about Baby Jesus.

A couple of things happened to me yesterday. First off, you might notice the nice new font that this blog is coming to you in. To celebrate the 200th Spectacular, a new computer was purchased. So I now sit, unemployed thank you very much, with a new, fancy computer staring right back at me. It comes with such rad features as a qwerty keyboard, a webcam built in and a return button. All this and more...I'm sure there's a lot more, but it didn't really come with an instruction booklet, so I don't know what all those rad features are or how to use them...I guess I get to learn by trying.

A second thing that happened to me was a med school graduation gala. Dr. Live accompanied me to a few of these back when I was employed...well, not of the med school variety, but the annual holiday galas thrown at fancy hotels through out DC by my former office and the occasional summer party or whatever. So it was my turn to show up all dressed up and behave.

It was also $9.50 drink night where we were, which was sweet. That's right, cash bar. Not exactly what I was hoping for, but it gave me an opportunity to do something I'd never done before...drink Tanqueray on the rocks. You may be asking yourself why? Well:

-Bang for the buck. I'm not messing around with these mixers the kids are drinking today and drinking wine at this event would make me want to strangle myself with my penis. I don't know why, but that's what we're going with today.

-It's gross. I've drank gin straight twice in my life previous. Once was when I was a senior in high school and my friend told me it was good. It wasn't. The other was my 21st birthday and the kid who was drunker than me at my birthday party poured it for me and made me take it...that wasn't fun. So drinking this drink would mean it would take a while to finish...and it did. It was worth it.

But all of this leads me to why last night was a pretty good time: I realized that I really like white people...a lot. You might think to yourself that this is a really strange thing to realize 27 years into my life, but hey, we all have awakenings. Why do I really like white people:

-White people are ridiculous people in a restaurant setting. We're sitting at assigned tables last night, 10 to a table. There were two all stars sitting next to us, a couple whose daughter is graduating this weekend. Keep in mind there are over 600 people at this event and about 60 tables...doing math is fun. Anyway, as we sit down and start to eat bread, this guy asks one of the waiters to bring him some olive oil. Before she gets back with this, he informs another waiter, "we're ready for more bread." When more bread comes back, he again declares he would like olive oil for his bread. Once it arrives, he simply places it on the table and never uses it.

Now, you might think this is totally normal behavior for a restaurant, and it might be, but this is not a restaurant. This is a hotel (granted, it was the Ritz, but still) and these are not waiters who truly give a flying fuck what this dick in a tux wants...especially when it's olive oil. douche.

Seeing this happen all in front me of I enjoyed plenty. It was great to see awful people at their finest. Granted, this isn't that extreme of a situation, but I'm definitely forgetting stuff because I had like 4 of those tanqueray's last night.

-White people are amazing dancers. We're using Johnnie Douches from my table as another example. Not so much as amazing dancers, as amazing when they dance. Mostly because it doesn't matter who they are or how many there are, all white people dance the same. I started laughing pretty hard when I looked upon the dance floor to see this guy doing the standard 50 year old dance...which is feet firmly planted, hips slightly moving, elbows out, arms up, bounce shoulders repeatedly. I love this dance. It makes me happy. Also, it makes me feel more comfortable because I realize that even though I am crazy self conscious about my own dancing, I know I'm only a funny dancer when I am doing the funny dances that I make up over the course of time...in fact, I'm adding elbows out to my repertoire.

-White people love songs that tell you how to dance to them. For example, the Cha Cha slide. I know white people love these, because I fucking love this with all my heart. The electric slide is not one of them and whoever convinced the DJ at my wedding to play this song is an asshole and comedic genius. Anyway, in addition to the Cha Cha Slide, there is a new song taking over: the Cupid Shuffle:



It's an amazing display in person. Why? Because white people think their way through songs like this...myself included. I wish I felt the courage to dance to this song, but I'm just going to watch a lot of youtube and learn how to do it until the next time it pops up and get my Cupid Shuffle on. There was this one white dude who was completely on fire for this song though...it was impressive. But damn it makes for more fun than pretty much every other activity on a dance floor this side of the "Have Nagila".

-Lastly, white people love Ice Sculptures. I've been to quite a few parties recently featuring ice bars, ice luges and ice sculptures. These are amazing. Last night there was a pretty impressive display. They had the Caduceus, the international sign of medicine...or at least I'm calling it the international sign of medicine. Fuck it, here's a picture of what I'm talking about. But it was rad. It was neon blue and lit up, enclosed in a block of ice, with the whole "GW Medicine" or something like that below it. Quite impressive literally.

But what was amazing was that from the moment that people were able to go up on stage and take a close look at it, there was never a line shorter than 10 people waiting to take pictures with the luge. A truly impressive display by my people, I'm proud to say. Seriously, people were constantly taking pictures in front of this thing for over 2 hours. I don't care that over 600 people were at this party; it doesn't take that long for all these people to take their photo in front of it. I saw people in front of that thing for close to 10 minutes and I saw people getting back in line for more photos.

So I had an overall good time at this party. I was constantly wishing I had the editor of Stuff White People Like on speed dial so I could put all these people on blast (always wanted to write or say that).

Lastly, concluding our 200th Spectacular, I'd like to leave you with this video:



Probably the most amazing Turk dance of all time...and how did that Bel Biv DeVoe song ever go out of style? We need to bring it back.