Kickball Champions of the World!

Sort of. First off, we tied for the division title. Secondly, we have to win in Vegas to be the champions of the world and even that is pushing it since who knows what kinds of kickball leagues they have going in North Korea and China. They could be genetically mutating their kickball teams right now to ensure that they dominate in the 2016 Olympics. True story. Well not so much the doping of kickball players, but that kickball will be in the 2016 Olympics. It's pretty crazy I know, but you can read all about it here.

Well, that was fun for me.

So we had a radtactular day on the kickball pitch. It was kind of chilly but nothing too unbearable. Our first game started off well with our team putting up 7 runs in the first. The game plan for the first two games was score runs early so I only have to pitch the first inning so my arm won't fall off. This worked great in the first game. 7 run lead immediately meant that I got to play center field, where nothing traveled all year. So I ran around and tried to distract as many participants as possible. As our pitcher would wind up, I'd spring into the infield on the off chance that a bunt was laid down. Basically all this did was ensure that I got in the way of every fielder, including the one time where I took the ball from the catcher, spun to throw a runner out at 3rd but just ended up pegging him in the head in the end. It almost led to a run because I thought there were two outs but there was really only one. Oops. No run would score that inning. phew.

So we won the first game something like 11-1. We were pretty happy but I got out twice so I was excited to get to the next game. We had a 1 hour bye with highlights including Chaz showing up near the end of the bye and declaring himself our coach. He proceeded to hang out the rest of the day and provide moral support as well as inform us how pathetic our league is because we don't pitch underhand and people bunt. He's right...but, since it is how the game is played, why not excel at it as best as you can, right? right.

So the next game started with an easy top of the inning and I was looking forward to scoring a few runs and playing around in the outfield. I come up with bases loaded, no outs and sure enough Mister Anti Clutch rolls up and pops into a double play. Nice work. I missed him so much. 3 innings later, the score is still tied 0-0. In the bottom of the 4th we finally break through with 4 runs, no thanks to me, and that means I get out of pitching 1 inning. We win that game about 4-0.

At this point, I am pissed off. I haven't been on base all day and I just fucked over the strategy by having to pitch most of the 2nd game. Naturally, there is only one solution...to the bar! and off we go. I decide that it's time to get back to some roots. I must be getting too kickball cocky I determine and decide it's time to take a page out of season two of The Wire: shot and a beer Delores. So I order up a shot of Jack and a King and we're off to a better place. As the bye comes to an end, I pound another half beer and start to feel like a kickballer should.

The next game is against SAYD Libre, who we beat 3-0 earlier in the year but was sure to be ready to battle us today. Our team is happy, excited and definitely just enough drunk to play well. As the higher seed, we pitch first and I was throwing flames. I felt no lingering affects from pitching the game before and was throwing better than I had at any point in the year in the first inning. They get a runner or 2 on but no runs score. We come up and I think there is one out, maybe 2 when I come up but I drill a shot on the ground to short and make it safely to first. It felt nice but it was great to hear my team support me with a chant of "1 for 5! 1 for 5!". I get moved over to second at some point and there are two outs. Timmy comes up and drills another shot where I put mine and I round 3rd and score...only to be told I left early and am out and the run does not count. I did not agree with the call, but I was not about to argue because who can be sure/who really wants to argue with a kickball ref?

Yelling at a kickball ref is like feeding a 300 pound teenager a salad. It's not going to help anything. The fat kid is just going to eat 4 Twix bars after the salad and remain fat and the kickball ref is just going to make a wiseass comment and make you feel stupid. Why waste your time, right?

Why do I know so much about this? Well, last Wednesday when I was watching kickball, I had to ref the first inning of a game due to another game going into extra innings. Big George got to ref first base too. It was frisbee crossing over with kickball and it was the greatest thing that had happened in my life between the time of 8:01 pm and 8:02 pm of that particular night. So this dude rounds 3rd and slides into home only to be pegged. I call him out and he gets up and screams at me, "No way! I was safe" to which I get to say loud enough for all to hear, "I entirely disagree with you". It's the perfect forum to make a douche feel like a douche...and I took it.

So I didn't want to look like a douche in front of everyone, so I just went back out to the mound....and SAYD scores to tie it a 1.

As the game goes on, we manage to score a second run somehow, I think on an error, and we are able to shut them down the rest of the game. QP Live qualifies for Vegas!

So we're going to play Scoregasm in the finals. We beat them 8-0 earlier in the year and we knew that it was not going to be that way this time....in fact, we didn't get a runner on base until the 4th inning. The got someone most innings but were never able to make a serious threat until late. Once we got runners on, we made some threats. In the bottom of the 5th inning, which is typically the last inning, they intentionally walked our leadoff hitter to load the bases with 2 outs to pitch to one of our girls. She got the ball in play, but the runner was thrown out at home and into extras we went tied 0-0.

At this point, I was about done. It was cold, both pitchers were dominating and my arm was about ready to fall off. During the SAYD game I strained my lats (which are still killing me Jack, thanks for asking). After that inning ended, I ran to my bag, took some Advil and dropped bunch of Icy Hot on the spot. It burned oh so badly but felt pretty good after the burning went away.

So entering the 6th inning, it's getting dark out and neither team really feels confident that they will score a run. We all decide that it's best to just play this game until it gets too dark and hopefully someone will have scored a run by then. Usual kickball rules state that you play 1 extra inning and then go to a rock, paper, scissor to determine the winner. Neither team wanted to do this at all as it is a stupid way to determine a champion.

In the top of the 7th, Scoregasm got some runners on and managed to get a runner to 3rd with 2 outs. We were able to get out of that jam but couldn't really do much in the bottom of the inning. As the 8th inning started, it was getting noticeable darker by the second but we went on. We got a quick out but then they managed to load the bases with 1 out. The next batter I think fouled out but I can't remember. So we're almost out of the jam and one of their ladies comes up. So it's cold out, we're in the 8th inning, you can't really see and I've lost the ability to squeeze the ball due to my hand and arm killing. So I pitch the ball and am lucky enough to get a grounder back to me. I charge it as our catcher covers home and go to throw him the ball...only the ball goes about a foot further to the right than I meant for it. Thanks to a game saving play by our catcher who stretches to make the catch while remaining on the plate, I don't blow the game for us.

We come up in the bottom of the 8th and I'm pretty sure nothing of value comes out of it. So it's too dark to continue, neither team wants to continue and no one wants to come back and do it another time. We decide to split the championship and everyone seemed pretty damn happy about it. I know I was.

So then it's time to pack up...the only problem with this is that I could get my cleats off. I couldn't undo my laces on my cleats due to a lack of any strength whatsoever in my arm. Once again, Coach Chaz comes through and helps undo the double knot on the cleats.

So it's now 3 days since the end of the tournament, my lats are still killing me (Jack, thanks again for asking) and my arm hurts when I put anything in my right hand. Instead of pitching 2 games, I pitched what turned out to be 18 innings, so almost 4 games worth of pitching. 1 run allowed all day by me. Not too shabby...though my arm is very happy to be entering the off season.

After all this excitement the last few months, it's great to finally have everything over and done with. No frisbee, no softball, no kickball, just work and Law & Order: SVU/CI episodes with a little bit of Prison Break thrown in there.

A Prison Break season recap is on the horizon in the coming days. I didn't watch last night's episode yet, so when I do, I'll get back to you about it.

That and I bought Nintendo Wii with all the money I made off of this blog.