Q.P. Live and Me

QThis Will Only Make You Dumber

I haven't comitted myself recently and I would apologize, but that'd be rediculous...so I won't, sorry if you wanted me to.

whack.

i played softball on tuesday. for those of you that don't know, i work at my job for two reasons: 1. christmas bonus and 2. softball.

i've waited 9 months to play softball again and am really happy about it. in my first at bat, i popped out to the center fielder and the attorney in charge of our team yelled at me. the reason i didn't smack the hell out of the ball is that i had fouled off a pitch and i am terrified of striking out, so i took a weak swing and the rest was history. it's cool though because in my next at bat, i hit the ball farther than i ever have and got a homer...sweet.

every time i have ever played i have wanted to make a diving catch in the outfield. on tuesday, this guy hit a deep shot out to my area and i was playing too far in...so i started retreating and knew i was beat and it was going to take and amazing effort to make this play. so i'm backing up, trying to get a read on the ball and then it's coming near me and my time is finally here...i have to dive! so dive i did...and miss by 10 yards (minimum) i did. i had no chance on this ball to the point where i was laughing even before i hit the ground...which, as a result, gave me a massive bruise on my left love handle/hip. always something there to remind me of me being a moron.

so everyone was laughing at how bad i looked when i did that, so in my next at bat i came up and hit what would have been a single against your everyday collection of physically challenged kids...but this team for whatever reason couldn't pick up much in the outfield, so i kept on going to second and once i got halfway there i decided i was going to third...had this team had any talent, i would have had to slide into third, but knowing how bad they were, i slowed down so the ball could skip by the third baseman and once that happened, i strolled home...so everyone there realized that i am in no way a professional person and that i am in fact, in terms of personality, closer to my shoe size than my age.

so that's all i got right now.

me puddle, you merc.