tradition

getting drunk on a monday is not a good idea. it just doesn't play well for the rest of your week. worse than this, though, is getting drunk on sunday.

It's Monday Night Football time again and that means 10 cent wings, $3 drafts (of any kind) and because the waitress likes abuse, of the 15-20 shots we had last night, we were charged for 2. it was awesome. It was nice to see the regular monday night crowd again because it's usually the same people every year and this is the time that i will see these people the most consistently. some were missing or left early and it turns out it was because they all spent 8-10 hours drinking on sunday.

you see, it's Sunday afternoon football again and that means for the first weekend, everyone is getting drunk, eating wings, mercing liquid...well everyone except for me. i have practice on sundays from 1-5. that's probably the worst thing since this new "ass to mouth" phenomena that is sweeping the nation. not sure what it is? what are you fucking retarded? what's it sound like.

so back to MNF. we're going to sign of the whale right now in DC. My man Jerome Tomlinson, aka Quintin Sanders affectionately refers to the area in DC where the whale is as "Midtown" but he's pretty much the only person to seriously refer to that area as such. he'll argue with you and say plenty of other people call it that and you're being ridiculous, but he is the one who in fact is being ridiculous. if asked, i might call it south dupont, or so dupe, or, since dupont is land of the male on male ass to mouth, so gay. in fact, i think we should start referring to the area from 19th and Connecticut between M and N should be referred to as so gay from now on. because i'm in the business of making things up and trying to get them to stick...well, usually i take something from someone no one else knows and then try to spread it to an entirely new community. that's what happened with merc....gash....etc.

anyway, MNF was a great time this past week. the games were pretty exciting, but the bartender stole the show. what...a...bitch. seriously, she was a bitch. and i was in bitch slapping mode. i roll up and immediately annoy her with my A game banter. she tried to deny it, but is there any denying me when i seriously won't shut the fuck up no matter how hard anyone tries to make me stop, including myself? it was one of those nights.

it was also time to get jack really drunk. the ravens were playing and those are his boys. he needed some extra support, so i roll up and immediately order the two of us a shot of jack. end of the first quarter, another shot of jack. then we switch to jaeger for a few and that's when all words got slurry...a few minutes later, or so i thought, the bar is emptying out and the game is winding down. i have no idea how it came up, but the waitress said something and then i dropped the, "and then i'd be all whwhwhwhwhwhwhwhhwh" which translates into me motorboating from across the table (no contact of course).

the look on her face and the face of my 5 friends at the table was absolute shock. she was slightly pissed. i was on my A game and not phased. she comes back a few minutes later with a shot of clear tequilla and says, "this is for you. this has been sitting on the bar for an hour and you only get this lime if you beg for it". A game people. fuck this ho. so i casually look at her, the shot and then eye the salt. i proceed to lick the back of my hand, pour some salt their, take the shot, snort the salt and give her the middle finger (i think i made up the middle finger part, but it makes for a good read, no?). in no way shape or form did i need that lime. not phased by the shot. not phased by the salt. bring it slut.

i believe the the 5 friends looked on impressed. the slut of the waitress was impressed and then actually knew that this comes from Caddyshack. I wonder how many of you remember Ty Webb doing the same thing?

So in the end, we parted on good terms. I actually really liked her as a waitress. I asked for water and she laughed at me and eventually brought it. She constantly gave us attitude, but also provided pretty good service. The Whale in so gay is definitely a great place for MNF.

So in the end, after over 100 wings ordered, roughly 50 beers ordered and all those shots, the tab came out to $191. Not too bad.

I then had to ride my bike back to where I am dog sitting for the week (which was entirely up hill). I don't so much remember the pain of the uphills, so I was pretty happy about that. I do remember being terrified I'd be hungover in the morning. In an effort to prevent, which I successfully did, i ate a turkey sandwich, drank a glass of orange juice, pounded some water, took 2 motrin and took a shower. I was once told that orange juice the night before will help prevent hangovers and so far I am 1 for 1. I recommend this to you.

and i think you should come to so gay next monday. It's eagles vs. redskins which will be the best game of the year to be at in DC. It's going to be an amazing night. No time is better to be in DC than when the skins are winning or in the beginning of a season when optimism is high....which it is right now.

and i think the Caveman TV show will not be good. more on that later.