I can't be held responsible for the things I say or write...


The Unsung Hero

Just a comment from the grave

It's been while. I could promise you I will write more in the near future but I'm not the promising kind of guy you would want to rely on about that.

I had this thought. You know those feel good stories that you hear about? The ones where the people were trapped for like 48 hours and couldn't move but were found alive and live to tell their story? Or the birth of a child and how amazing it is? While we may hear about how terrible of an experience it was to be trapped in a mine or under some large concrete blocks, etc or how long your pregnancy lasted, we never hear about what happens to usual human functions while these are going on.

Like if you're stuck under a concrete block, does that mean you don't drop the occasional deuce in the pants? It seems logical that you would. Afterall, the expression, "Dude, I was so scared I almost shit my pants" has to come from somewhere. So you have to figure this happens...and more times than not. The word is that when you die, your bowels empty themselves. So if you are trapped and die, then it is easy to understand the load in the pants. But say you live through the experience...or to start, say you are trapped and you deuce your pants immediately once you are stuck...and say it takes 48 hours for them to rescue you. At first are you like, "Man, I hope they don't find me because I just deuced my pants"? Or in the end, when you are rescued, are you so happy to be rescued that you forget about the load in your pants and you let all reservations about being found with it go? A lot of times when people come out of these horrific events, they are covered with a towel...do you think that's because of deuce marks on their legs from when they were stood up and the deuce slid down their leg and left a mark?

Going back for a second, is it possible that once you are stuck for 24 hours you give up and just decide if you have to go, you're going and you assume you're dead so whats it matter that you deuced your pants? I mean, once you're found, you can always rely on that old adage, "Well, your bowels empty themselves, so I guess that's what happened to this poor bastard."

Or let's look at a more common event briefly. Giving birth. From what everyone always says, the birth of a child is one of life's greatest joys. But is actually giving birth the joy or is it the joy of the child? I'm going with the latter on this one. Think about this one for a second. Ladies probably know what I'm getting at and Chaz is definitely confused but here we go. When you push really hard for something to pop out of your midsection, usually it's not a baby. Usually it's closely related to the discussion written about above. And for the most part, the results are similar..though there is the occasional constipation issue to worry about but I digress. Anyway, so while you are pushing for this baby to pop out some poop is destined to come out first. Add to that the size of the baby in comparison to the size of the baby hole. Add to that the goo associated with the baby and the insides of the baby cavern and there you have a giant fucking mess. See what I'm saying? No one ever says anything about that and it's time for people to know this. Men are told to film the pregnancy but you have to hope that someone has the decency to tell him not to get the full frontal view because that's just a site no man women or child should see without knowing what's ahead of them.

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