I can't be held responsible for the things I say or write...


who loves ya?

is it me? do i love ya? do i? is it you? do you love me? hard to say. you know what i do love though? throw backs.

not throwback jerseys.

not throwback shoes...though those should get their credit.

i love throwin it back to the way it was. all the way back to 1999-2000 when i was a freshman in college and at 11:23 every weeknight, Mo's door would get knocked on really fast and every time he thought UPD was there to finally bust him...but in reality, Mo was just really paranoid because me and brody were coming over to get ready for the 11:30 simpsons by hanging out in the bathroom...and by hanging out, i don't mean bonin in the bathroom (though a certain person did lose his v-card in a thurston bathroom...possibly flushed down the toilet? now don't be ignant) but i meaning hanging out like haaaaaaaaaaaaaaning out...ya know?

so brody and i decided to go to see the simpsons movie last night. in order to do it right though, i felt it only appropriate to haaaaaaaaaaang out for the first time in 1.5 years. i was happy to do it because it was for the right cause.

i stopped haaaaaning out over a year ago at first because i thought that i might be a good thing to have going for me in case i applied to new jobs. additionally, i would get really paranoid, so i felt it good to stop. it just wasn't fun anymore.

so me and otis get to haaaaning out and then we get our walk on to the movie. it likely couldn't have been more obvious. tell tale signs:

1. brody was wearing sunglasses i think are made for 80 year old women with cataracts to hide his eyes.
2. i bought the tickets at the self service place but was really confused why i had 1 piece of paper. i thought about ripping it in half, but it says "void if detached". so then i got confused....then i found 2 more pieces of paper in the machine and was really confused because that's an odd number and i still had no second ticket. then i looked again and there was the ticket.
3. we each got our own popcorn and went overboard with the butter.
4. i was laughing on the way up the stairs before any previews were even on.

anyway, it was dark and i was pretty comfortable and it was great to be at the movie. all in all, it was pretty entertaining. when i watch a tv episode of the simpsons, i traditionally have a smile on my face the entire time, even if i don't laugh. why?

real simple. the simpsons, for anyone from my "era" is not just a tv show. it's a friend. a communal friend that all of us have in common and that, while we may have lost touch with this good friend from the past, we hold a soft spot in our hearts for it. don't agree with me? i think you do. when the simpsons make a gesture like coming out with a movie after all this time, it's the equivalent of hearing from your one of your high school friends getting the entire crew back together...only in this case, the crew is anyone 14-48 years old.

so on to the movie. it's an hour and a half and it was the perfect length for it. some movies i like to be around 2 hours, but not this one. there are some laughs, there are a few dull moments, but it keeps to the soul of the simpsons. homer being homer, marge pretending not to notice until the breaking point, bart getting in trouble, lisa being a fucking hippie and the suspicions about otto coming true.

so it's funny because it is a movie and they actually go family guy from time to time with the "i can't believe they just did that" moment, only it wasn't something ridiculous. it's pretty funny because you are sitting there expecting the scene to cut away but then someone gets flicked off, etc.

i don't want to say too much more on the subject because i don't want to spoil the good parts. the previews don't take away the best parts of the movie because the spider pig song is really funny in the theatre too.

so, see the movie. it is what it is, but it's worth it to spend full price and definitely worth getting all fucked up to go and see it. i wish we had brownies though so that nothing wore off.

in other news, today is a sad day for me as a yankees fans. today the yankees traded away scott proctor. he was a relief pitcher who has been struggling of late. why? because he has worked more than any other relief pitcher in baseball for the last 2 years and his arm is about to fall out. i'm sad because this guy was a true warrior. i liked his attitude too. he had been on the big league club in 4 different seasons. 2 of those years, he was up late in the season and the last 2 he was a big part of their success. last year after the yankees won the division, he was quoted as saying that this one felt different because he played a role in bringing it home. it made me feel like he truly cared about being a baseball player and about being a yankee. it didn't see to be all about money because he doesn't make that much.

so thank you scott proctor for you effort, you work and your heart.

i value loyalty in the people i associate with, with my teammates, with the teams i root for and in people in general. i valued kevin garnett's loyalty to the t-wolves who just traded him today. seeing examples in the pro athletes reminds me of the loyalty that guys who i played ultimate with have shown me to this day. be it players that play with me encouraging me as i attempt to be the athlete i used to be on the ultimate field, be it sticking by my side when we're at a bar or a party or be it in just letting me know that i am supported doing the nonsense that i do. it reminds me about people like you who read this and tell me they like hearing it and i just want to say thank you for being by my side.

no homo of course.


no. no homo.


don't be mad

it just hasn't been in the cards for the last few days...week, whatever. so i apologize? either way, if your friday is slow, this is my attempt at helping you.

it's been quite a week. last friday, i went with the doctor, her mom and my mom into baltimore to look for wedding locations. it was an amazing experience for one and only one reason: there was an anime convention in town. right smack dab in the middle of baltimore. literally, hundreds of f-ing douchebags dressed up in all sorts of different costumes that, according to guy who was showing us around a possible hotel for our wedding guests/who was really hung over said, "some of these kids have worked literally days, if not years, on their costumes". it was probably true. here is an example of what we were dealing with:

these, according to el doctor, were the best costumes we saw...i guess we can trust her judgement and all because this is the second anime convention we've come across in the last 1.5 years (there was one a while back in DC).

one costume really got to me. i saw this person in light make up and a mini skirt. you might think that this could be normal, that is if you consider the outfits of the other kids as normal. i'd describe them but how does one describe 19 year old virgin with prospect of 19 years to go before he figures out this is no way to pop the cherry?

anyway, so this kid is wearing a mini skirt and i'm like, "damn, that skinny chick is in a mini skirt". i was like "damn" because my criteria for "would i bone you if i were single" is "are you skinny?" i'm a guy and that's why i'm allowed to think that way.

anyway, so i see this really high mini skirt, but i guess it's a mini dress? it's all one piece, so let's call it a mini dress. so i see it from afar and notice how low it is cut in the back and then i go for the "what does this chick look like" but there is some apprehension due to an awkwardly muscular back...and then i realize it's a dude. yep, awkward indeed.

but i don't feel too bad. i do however make eye contact and see into this kid's soul. there are all these kids walking around in these anime outfits and they really feel their costumes. they're all about being proud that any parent would gladly disown them if the parents knew what the kids really were doing this weekend because they believe in what they are doing. but this kid gave me a look i'm very familiar with.

you know when you go to a costume party and you're totally comfortable around others at the party who are dressed like you or at least understand the theme? you feel right at home. but you know when you walk to the party in the ridiculous theme or walk home in it and you see someone you might usually identify with or they give off the aura of someone you are close to and suddenly feel slightly ashamed? well, i was finally on the other side of that look and i may have ruined that next .18 seconds of that kid's life. it was slightly odd. it's like we had a 1 on 1 and we felt each others shame.

so that was friday.

later that afternoon, as we were driving back from baltimore, my mom was telling el doctor y madre all about my brother...who apparently "has always loved Dick." not just any Dick, but my Uncle Dick...or was it my Uncle Dick's d...anyway. but i shit you not, she twice said that he "has always loved Dick." that's my mom ladies and gents, just wait for the wedding.

so let us fast forward to this week where practically nothing has happened. i've been reading HP 7, I'm currently home sick from work and the AC is running and I'm sweating indoors. what a life.

But do you guys know what is coming up? quick flashback should remind you!!!! she's leaving town for like a month. who knows what is going to happen but since the last time, we've been working towards this new qp live. this clutch qp live. this do as you please say what you feel qp live. and it's been fun...but oh man, i might be in some trouble. not with her, but my body is killing me. i'm sick, i haven't walked or run without pain in over a month, and i think this month off might result in me losing 20 pounds and being found in a drain somewhere wearing an adult diaper because we are all out of food and all that was there was liquor and i tried to drink that to take away the hunger pains.

why the diaper? obviously because we were out of toilet paper. but if i managed to buy the adult diaper, why didn't i go for the more cost affective, slightly more socially acceptable toilet paper? well, the diaper was supposed to get you to laugh a little...and man i hope it did because it's friday, it's about halfway through the day and most of you are probably thinking that you'd much rather be passed out next to a drain wearing depends over being at work and counting down the minutes.

so good luck to you all. i am off to Massachusetts for tonight and tomorrow before flying back tomorrow evening and then being at practice sunday morning. all that traveling in such a short time is probably the route to take on the road to recovery. i'm all about it.


stroke of luck

a lot of people heard about my friday night. it went like this:

it was a co workers last day and the send off happy hour was at a bar/restaurant where they served lots of really nice belguim beers. the unique thing about all of them is that they come in their own glasses.

as the only paralegal invited, i felt both honored and like i had to be firing on all cylindars at all times. it started off well.

first round of beers were called Kawk and came in a glass that had it's own stand. it tasted delicious and the stand was pretty sweet. we drank a few other beers as the night went on, but i stayed steady with the Kawk - dare i say loved the kawk - for the majority of the evening. it's also important to realize that these are not your typical kings (budweiser). the alcohol content is pretty high in each one. add in that we ate some fries for dinner and yours truly was well aware at 8 pm that he was in trouble.

but that doesn't stop anyone ever, right? right. because i was like, "no way, i just ate some fries, i'm all set for the rest of the night". because that makes sense to think that way...it's logic afterall.

so around 9:30 i place a phone call to jack, trying to convince him we need to go to the kickball party. i'd been meaning to tell him for 2 weeks that he was right when he said the best season of "24" was season 3...it really is awesome. check it out.

however, he tells me that timmy is not planning on going and therefore he is not going to go. i decided that timmy has been compromised, because if you know timmy, he goes to these things. staying in the theme of "24", Jack is instructed to say the word "mazeltov" if timmy is in the room. mazeltov is spoken. the rest is hazy, but the confirmation coming through meant i must talk to timmy to determine if in fact jack had been compromised. so i get on with timmy and he confirms jack is compromised with the code "alpha alpha".

does any of that make sense? absolutely not. but what happened next will likely.

so after i get off the phone with them, i look at the people i am with and decide that i am going to change and get ready to go. apparantly, they were getting ready to leave too.

so i go into the bathroom (most amazing bathrooms ever. i should have just slept there, they were that nice) and change. i take all of my possesions out of my pockets so that i will have them to put into my shorts. then i come out of the bathroom, say goodbye to my friends and take off.

about 20 yards from the bar, in the middle of K street, i exercise some of the demons from my multiple beers. not too much, but enough to feel a little better.

i get about 4 blocks from the bar when i decide there is no way i can walk all the way home and no chance of getting on the metro either. so i go to call my roommate and that feeling you get no matter how drunk or sober you are kicks in. i have no cell phone. i have no wallet. i have no chap stick. NOT THE CHAP STICK!.

i have the 3 second debate of deciding to live without those posessions and then turn around to go back to the bar. i was terrified my co workers would still be there, but thankfully they were not.

as i walk in, i see another friend who asks me, "hey, want to sit down and have a beer with me?" to which i respond, "i want to get my wallet and cell phone and get the fuck out of here."

then i enter the bathroom and they are not where i left them. crap. i really liked that chap stick.

as i exit the bathroom, tired, drunk and sort of panicked, i see a woman staring at me with that, "you dumb bastard" look. she is an employee of the restaurant and says the nicest thing ever to me. "i have you stuff". awesome.

first she gets a hug.

then i offered her all the money in my wallet...which was likely received with the previous look again.

i say goodbye to her, my friend at the bar and out i go.

right down the middle of K street again....and more demons come out.

my standard was:

walk 2 steps left, walk 2 steps right, walk 3 steps left with the last one putting you in the road again and then quickly jump back on the curb...with the occasional boot.

so i get about to where i first realized i left my wallet at the bar and catch a cab. i ask how much the ride will cost once i get in and immediately get it ready. about halfway home, i ask him to pull over. he says "here?" and i say "i don't want to destroy your cab."

so i pay full price, get out and commence the 2 steps side to side walk but this time i boot each time i change direction for about a half a block. it was hilarious.

i was booting, laughing, tearing and yelling at myself all at once. probably the greatest youtube video ever this would have been.

i have no idea how i didn't die on the way home. not sure how i didn't get hit by a car and just amazed that at 26, i pulled off the same shit i did my first night at college.

so i spent the weekend wondering if the people i was out with knew what i had gotten myself into. i come in, go up and say thanks for hanging out friday night. i asked if it was odd that i just upped and left and was told that we were all planning and leaving...and all shitfaced.

thank God. gracias Dios.

can't believe i made it home alive and can't believe it wasn't just me.


I'm off the list....for now

in case you haven't heard, and since i saw most of you in the past week, the kickball team QP Live Nation is officially the champion of the kickball universe.

well, just the division we play in, but it's pretty sweet none the less. We will also be nationally ranked with the updated rankings come out last week.

WHAT? national rankings for kickball? yup, on the this website under the "National Power Poll" link, there are a bunch of threads. A new one starts when he posts that weeks rankings.

So to all of you that think this is stupid, it is. But it's pretty sweet to be nationally ranked in anything, even if it is kickball, frisbee or anything really, even fluffing.

But I said I didn't want to lose to those nerds and we didn't. This, officially, takes me off the "least clutch player of all time" list that I put myself on. Since I made the list, there really is no one else on there. But I think we should hold discussions about people that could make it. I put myself on it for a few reasons...some are here:

1. everyone knows about the last throw of my college ultimate career.
2. last year in the softball finals, i struck out. later in that game, i grounded out and lined out. in 4 at bats, i was on 1 time...and i'm the professional, remember?
3. i've never scored more than 9 points in a referred basketball game in my life. this year in a game, i had 7 at the end of the first half. everyone knew about my shortcoming. i played 15 minutes in the second half, took 15 shots and made 1.
4. um, 2005 at regionals with the whole bert incident. that was pretty unclutch.

usually, my lack of clutchness shows up in the finals of any competition, but the basketball one has been with me forever. it's never going to happen and i've accepted that. it's pretty pathetic, but i live everyday knowing i am a roll player and still averaged like 5 points a game this past season (we lost in the finals of that season too). so i got that going for me.

i feel like the criteria for others to be added to the list has to be surrounded by people time and again failing in the clutch, preferably in championship game settings. people who show up day in day out, but always seem to be bested by another player or players. any got any good ones?

and like peyton manning, when the win that big game, they come off the list...until they perform some massive unclutch event again.

i feel i come off the list because i was pretty clutch all season for the kickball team. i was a strong kicker and shut out a bunch of teams while pitching, including the team we played in the finals. granted, my defense had a lot to do with keeping the runs off the board, but i felt i pitched pretty strong the other night. i struck out a couple of batters, made others miss completely and got teams best kickers out in tight situations. all in all, i felt really proud to be on the team that won the championship, better than i thought i would. so for that, off the list i go.

but the list is lonely, so shotahollerdoggies.


I am QP Live

There has been chatter on message boards that some people are claiming they are QP Live. For today, July 12th, 2007, all memebers of the Faygo nation are QP Live. Do not get all bent out of shape if you read any of this chatter. For today is a big, big day.

What is today?

Today is the semis and finals of the DC Liberty WAKA Kickball league. Our team is the number 1 seed. We are set to take this title. We won the regular season title and beat a nationally ranked team on the way to that distinction. That's right, there are rankings in kickball too. Totally odd, I know...but then again, there are national frisbee rankings.

But I like our team. We play hard. We play smart defense. In kickball, that means not trying to peg people everytime, not making the throw for the sake of trying. We let players get on base if they need to but we hold them from advancing. We communicate on the field, we banter back and forth and we rely on Faygo to give us what we feel we have earned. On offense, we get on base with a combination of finesse and power and we run the bases agressively.

But what I really like about our team is that the entire league really likes our team...except for me. One team in fact refers to me as "The asshole pitcher guy"...I like to shorten it to T.A.P.G.

I've thought about this and decided I like being disliked by the kickball people right now. I also think I understand it.

I think the game is pretty stupid. It reminds me of my first year of frisbee, where all the new players where high socks, stupid hats and in general try to look like idiots. I also don't like how you don't just roll the ball into the plate and let people destroy it. When I first started playing, that's all I wanted to do.

Because of the various rules of kickball that I find stupid, for example, if you are not wearing the team t-shirt, you are not permitted to play (never enforced), I try to call them out whenever I see them...loudly. I think people started to dislike me because when stupid rules violations occur, or when stupid rules are enforced, I like to let people know how stupid it is. I try to do this in a sarcastic way, but the tone I take is one that pretty much only I know I am being sarcastic and everyone else thinks I'm being serious. I can see how this doesn't go over well.

Additionally, I am pretty competitive when it comes to playing. I don't yell or freak out or anything, but I pitch hard and fast, overhand in fact, and I don't really joke around all too much when I am there. I think this makes me look as that jock who can't separate intense competition from something fun, like kickball.

In reality, I don't want to lose to some douchebag in a pink shirt with a fucking visor on. I don't want to lose to a team with shitty tie dyed socks that remind me of the socks that the UPenn Void players used to wear in college. I don't want to lose to a team of people that would rather bunt that kick a ball as far as they can. I'd rather not lose to a bunch of fucking rejects, is what is boils down to.

That's not competitive, is it?

But today is a big, big day.

I went to bed last night focused on my job today. Today is, hopefully, the first double header we will ever play. I hope my arm doesn't fall off. It hasn't been feeling good recently, but I think I can power through for tonight. My team needs me and I need to do this to shed my self imposed "least clutch player of all time" title.

I have the butterflies in my stomach that I get when I know it's time to show up. I have the feeling I used to get before every lacrosse game in high school when I knew that I was on the field to carry my team to victory.

So tonight, I hope to channel all of what I've learned and used in previous athletic competitions to overcome whatever doubt I have in my abilities. I plan to do this for my team. For Faygo.

Because, today, all member of the Faygo Nation are QP Live.