Is you talking to me, mein?

Today I have been engaged in a war on two fronts. The first started in fantasy baseball. That's all I have to say about that...except I wasn't even fighting or trying to make a point, but...enough

The second one was at work. There are these two chairs I have been trying to get my hands on for a year. I finally got one yesterday. I came in this morning and it had been taken back by the office mate of the person who gave it to me. Long story short, I decided to do what I do best: try to make a joke of the situation while the other person is not in a joking mood. So I start with a little "legalize" and move onto the facts of the case. I believe I have a pretty strong case. I even get the support of my boss by presenting the facts. Then, after a few back and forth emails with the person also fighting for the chair, I drop a line similar to "If this is not a joking situation, I will stop writing emails now. If this is a joking situation...."

No replies yet. This was over an hour and a half ago....I guess she wasn't joking.

I have the chair.

So, I guess this is what I do best...except, I've never won one of these situations before. I either cave because I don't want to be an asshole or someone higher up than me tells me I am wrong and to calm down and to do whatever the other person is mad at me for. It's how I was raised. I think I get it from my brother, which is odd, because really the only thing he gave me is an inferiority complex which I try to over come by being loud and sometimes obnoxious....check it out, there's a bag over there with a cat in it...cool.

I'm almost proud of my work war today, though. I had an argument, I had evidence and I even retained a witness to the case. I was quite impressed only because I was trying to use the things I have "learned" here at the office. That's the kind of stuff you can't learn in a text book...actually it is, but no one would ever read it due to the boredom factor.

I think I'm trying to hard today. There really isn't anything else for me to write about. I was running today and thought of something funny and then thought to myself that I should put it on here but then I said to myself "That won't happen because you won't remember what the hell you were thinking about anyway"....I was right. What the hell was I thinking? Man, I would like to know that. It could have been something cool like running along DC and then finding a secret tunnel somewhere and at the end of it was the leprechaun in the youtube video along with the second gunman from the grassy noll as well as osama, tupac and biggie. that would be an awesome tunnel to find yourself in. good music, plenty of weapons, a green midget that has access to a pot of gold and a sniper...i'd say i would be pretty safe in their presence, though to become one of them i'd have to prove that i proved that i didn't exist...and that's a whole lot to prove on top of the fact it would be hard to prove that.

my head is spinning.

a little sum sum for timmy and willis

these appear to be my most loyal readers...there are timmy and willis who say "write more on your blog" and then there is bert who says "i refuse to read your blog"

bert won't read my blog because he likes to think this "upsets" me. i used to be as stubborn as bert is...now i am a changed man. he is currently depriving himself of very little...but his curiosity is growing. one day he will wake up and realize that while it's cool and all to take a stand and essentially impose your own personal V-chip on something just to prove you can, it's quite worthless when you realize you are refusing something to yourself that is so trivial and borderline retarded...i mean, i am the guy who wrote that the pentagon has 10 sides (and to defend myself, that shit is double layered yo). taking stands like the one he is taking is so trivial compared to actual times when this would come in handy...like refusing to watch Fox News because you feel they are not "Fair and Balanced" or refusing to shop at K-Mart because they sell handguns. things that you feel can be harmful to greater society. i might be loud and have my own blog, but trust me, even 5 year olds know there is nothing to emulate here.

but did anyone else watch fox news this afternoon approximately at 1:30? they had coverage of the french protestors getting shot by water hoses coming out of these tanks that are filled with water...it was hilarious. people are all upset over a new law that will let you fire teen workers for no reason (this is a good stand to take) and now they are rioting. this is hilarious for a few reasons:

1. there are the tough people who can sit and take the blasts for about 5 seconds...then they either turn around and take it in the back or they get out of the way.

2. there are the stupid people who roll up on rollerblades and antagonize the water gunners...also brilliant, but ends in peril.

3. then you have the guy with the cane. this is not an old man with a cane...this person could not have been more than 25...i should say crutch. it had one of those things at the top that goes around your bicep for stability...well this guy stood up to the water canons for a few seconds and then finally said the wrong thing or threw something and then he got blasted...this was the part of my run where i was 4 minutes from the end...this scene gave me the motivation to finish my run. this guy got blasted straight to his back and then pushed back at least another 10 feet....it was absolutely hilarious.

4. these people have to realize they are french. the french do not win confrontations...this confrontation will likely go on until the end of time with no one paying much attention after another week of coverage...then it will be "oh, those french, they're at it again...hey, let's go invade another country!"

so in conclusion. bert, if you're going to man up for some reason, do it in a way that is beneficial to a large group and please please please, do it in a comical way so i have something to entertain the tall german kid and the white-beat wearing, no shoe having, don't call me on my cell phone 'cause hoes be usin' all my minutes kid.

and go to youtube and find the leprechaun video...

chill out hippies part 2

so i got this forward yesterday of a video link about the plane that crashed into the pentagon on 9/11.

http://www.pentagonstrike.co.uk/flash.htm#Main

so, to begin with, everyone is now an expert on what happens right before, during and right after a plane crashes into a military building with ten sides. the video will take you through the common conspiracy angles such as "where is the fuselage" and "it didn't sound like a Boeing 757" or "I an anarchist and this how i'm getting back at my parents by putting safety pins through my earring holes and using safety pins instead of buttons...who's more punk than me?"

anyway, first question: without any research whatsoever, can anyone tell me the difference off the top of your head about the differences in airplane size?

more directly, can anyone tell me what a plane sounds like when it about to crash into something?

according to "eye witness accounts", it sounded like a missile. this was a big big deal of the video producers. a missile. a fucking missile. can anyone tell me what a large piece of metal filled with enough gallons of fuel to make it across the united states is extremely similar to? if you said missile, i would have to agree. missile go really fast and explode when they come in contact with object...sounds like what happens whenever a plane runs into a random object such as the pentagon.

i can't believe this was a major point of the video.

moving on, they start to show pictures of the holes in the pentagon that look like a tank had driven through them. let me state right now that i am definitely not an expert on the pentagon crash. the pictures very well could have been from the pentagon...but i'm going to go ahead and say no fucking way. if you look at the white work suits the cleaners or whoever are wearing or the wreckage of whatever building is attempting to be the pentagon, you might, as i was, reminded of my 6th grade spanish textbook, Bienvenidos!

I'm not buying those pictures, no f-ing way. that looks more like a scene where arrows were redacted along with the the characterizations such as "edificio" or "constructador".

now, the part i have "trouble" discounting, at least beyond saying such up you fucking hippies, is the confiscation of the surveillance videos from the gas station and the VDOT cameras....the videos point: "these videos have never been released" oooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhh. that's a scary thought there.

but anyway, now i find myself thinking, what is the purpose of this video. based on the link, it appears it comes from the UK, or maybe and most likely that is merely the site hosting it. regardless, that's a major knock on the credibility in my mind...afterall, i was here when this happened. i remember the smoke coming up from the pentagon while i was watching from my roof. i remember driving by the pentagon and seeing a gigantic hole in the side. the thought that we did that to ourselves was not one that entered my mind.

secondly, we're talking about the pentagon. out of all of the planes that crashed that day, to me at least, it seems like the pentagon has been the one most brushed over. there is a tv show going on right now about the passengers aboard the plane that crashed in Pennsylvania and you can't go 3 days without some reference to the WTC. point being: why are the hippies making such a big deal out of this? even if we did use a "missile" to blow up part of the pentagon, wouldn't there be at least some reason that would have been leaked by now?

wouldn't someone else in the world have raised this at all?

but yeah, make the video, send the video, believe the video, die in a "freak" skiing or car accident or have a sudden heart attack or whatever...

f off hippies...

and fuck you bert

ZING

I was just in a meeting. Nothing too intense, but I totally caught the backhand of the boss and the assistant boss. The worst part is, I don't think they realized it.

I did.

So, in the magical world of the paralegal, you are sometimes called upon to "cite-check". If you have ever read a brief or a motion or if you've ever watched Law & Order or heard someone mention a case, for ex. Brown v. Board of Education, I can explain it to you. Essentially, cite-checking is making sure all of the essential information is on paper when a case is mentioned and that it is formatted correctly. I am not good at it. It's tough to pick up. You need to run a report on a legal website that pulls all of the relevant information automatically from your motion. Once this happens, I never knew until yesterday that the bolded case with the arrow pointing to it was the one I wanted to focus on. I know how stupid that makes me sound but when you get 5 pieces of paper back for one case and the same cite is listed 10 times, just because one is bold doesn't mean shit to me...it should have.

So we're in said meeting and the boss says that I, using the solitary being name, made a good point and that people should know the bolded case is the one you want to focus on...then the assistant boss says, "and it also has an arrow pointing to it".

so it's bold and it has an arrow....

and now every other paralegal in the firm knows that i didn't know this.

thanks for choosing me and even more for giving me credit for this brilliant observation.

it's cool, i'm 2-3 years older than almost all the other paras, but at least they know i'm retarded.

Clarification

it is important to understand something about me: moderation is not my strong suit.

therefore, when i drink once a week, it's not a few tasty ones at dinner and possibly a snifter or two before retiring to the library and fire place to read novels with my dog, chauncey....rather, it's beverage in the morning beverage in the evening beverage at supper time...when you are binge drinking you drink beverages all the time.

therefore, it came as a major shock to me that i had posted on friday night. once i was told i did this, i did remember posting but there was no recollection of what i posted about.

anyway, so we went out in georgetown after the basketball games were over. the only time i have ever seen georgetown that dead has been sunday mornings at 7 am. it was midnight when we got out there and no one was around. i had planned on dressing up like a leprechaun, but i was so happy i didn't. then i would felt like a complete moron...that was close. however i learned a few things while walking home:

1. if you fall off of one of those grey electrical boxes on the street directly onto your hip and shoulder, it doesn't hurt if you're drunk.
2. standing on the yellow lines in the middle of M street yelling at some kid to come and get you means that no one will mess with you because no one else is that retarded.
3. those blue georgetown buses are parked overnight in the Key Marriott parking lot...they are huge and awesome to climb on.

the first two items above i only got to experience as a bystander. the last one was fun. those buses are seriously huge. i was kind of overwhelmed with the task ahead of me. however, it is definitely worth another shot some day.

did anyone else see 24 last night? i think jack bauer should interrogate audrey reigns with his "man piece". he should put some strange truth lube on it and bone her and see what she has to say...that could be considered dirty talk and pillow talk and have two different connotations and that's awesome...that would just add to the aura of jack bauer.

it could be called bone serum and that would make amazing amounts of money for whoever invents it. your bonee would never know what happened and you could find out if you were being cheated on or if your lover is selling top secret information to some hot terrorist chick who now has immunity and is no doubt going to find and fuck up her spy ex boyfriend...scorned much? slut

Clarification

it is important to understand something about me: moderation is not my strong suit.

therefore, when i drink once a week, it's not a few tasty ones at dinner and possibly a snifter or two before retiring to the library and fire place to read novels with my dog, chauncey....rather, it's beverage in the morning beverage in the evening beverage at supper time...when you are binge drinking you drink beverages all the time.

therefore, it came as a major shock to me that i had posted on friday night. once i was told i did this, i did remember posting but there was no recollection of what i posted about.

anyway, so we went out in georgetown after the basketball games were over. the only time i have ever seen georgetown that dead has been sunday mornings at 7 am. it was midnight when we got out there and no one was around. i had planned on dressing up like a leprechaun, but i was so happy i didn't. then i would felt like a complete moron...that was close. however i learned a few things while walking home:

1. if you fall off of one of those grey electrical boxes on the street directly onto your hip and shoulder, it doesn't hurt if you're drunk.
2. standing on the yellow lines in the middle of M street yelling at some kid to come and get you means that no one will mess with you because no one else is that retarded.
3. those blue georgetown buses are parked overnight in the Key Marriott parking lot...they are huge and awesome to climb on.

the first two items above i only got to experience as a bystander. the last one was fun. those buses are seriously huge. i was kind of overwhelmed with the task ahead of me. however, it is definitely worth another shot some day.

did anyone else see 24 last night? i think jack bauer should interrogate audrey reigns with his "man piece". he should put some strange truth lube on it and bone her and see what she has to say...that could be considered dirty talk and pillow talk and have two different connotations and that's awesome...that would just add to the aura of jack bauer.

it could be called bone serum and that would make amazing amounts of money for whoever invents it. your bonee would never know what happened and you could find out if you were being cheated on or if your lover is selling top secret information to some hot terrorist chick who now has immunity and is no doubt going to find and fuck up her spy ex boyfriend...scorned much? slut

who da what now?

hi. i am job.

not true. i am drinking adult beverages. you know, the ones with the strippers in them that aren't allowed to be seen on non cable tv or not on the radio until after 8 pm? you know what i sayin?

that's not what i sayin. happy saint patrick day fuckers!

this is the one day of the week i am drinking right now. today's beverages started at noon. now it's 8:24. big deal, wanna fight about it? shut up bert. anywho, anyone who knows us can realize that saint patrick's day plus us ='s car bombs. and in traditional us + carbombs, in the end it ='s no enough people for all of it. so we have a bottle of jamiesons, a bottle of baileys and 20 cans of Guinness. we have 4 people right now and two of them have gashes...yada yada yada, it was nice to know all of you but i think i might be done.

anyone can have doyle...Contrary to popular belief, he does have a dingle.

other than that, there really is nothing in my name. Preferably, someone will simply drive my car into the potomac because that would make no sense and my tv should have 4 m80s put in it and lit so that it blows up and makes a cool sound...please contact dre for that one.

finally, this puddle has merced too long.

4th most wonderful time of the year

those at the super bowl party know the song...
1. christmas
2. my birthday aka the national holiday
3. super bowl sunday
4. march madness

i have the next two days off of work and am about to leave but i wanted to get this out:

while finishing up the day, my mind started to drift. i began thinking about a time a friend of mine told me he was never going to get married. one of his friends just got married so his girlfriend couldn't be deported. so i was curious if he would ever marry someone for this reason. then my mind drifted to how someone said St. Patrick's day is not an official holiday...and then i started to think about non official holidays and married and decided this:

if they ever pass a gay marriage bill, (un)official marry a dude day!

this would be a day where you roll up to wherever and you marry one of your friends....not because it's gay but because it's hilarious (and don't get me started on all the tax breaks and other advantages you could get...actually, i have no idea what advantages there would be but it would be kind of funny...except for that asshole friend who thinks it's gay and refuses to find the humor in it).

anyway, all homo aside, this would be fucking hilarious...unless one of the joking around couples decided to take it a step further and then it's just not cool to do that...not that there is a problem, in my eyes, with gay marriage but on (un)official marry a dude day, there is no place for people serious about their committments.

and i'm spent...no homo

I'm going to hell for this one

read this article, don't worry, it's short and if you don't feel like reading the entire thing, you will get the point of it in the title:

http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/03/14/beauty.queen.death.ap/index.html

now, the one liners in my head are:

1. i told you so
and
2. bet you could see that coming...or in this case, hear that coming.

going to hell in a bucket..at least i'm enjoying the ride

get to stompin

i was in nyc this weekend. that city is a lot better than what i like to refer to as the chocolate city. to me, dc is kind of a fake city. there are some fun areas, there are some city type things to do, but all in all, this city really half asses it.

my main gripes are the quality of public transportation and food. in dc, if it's not rush hour, the metro comes every once in a while. and if it's late, there is no train service because the doors are closed.

in ny, you can catch the subway whenever you need to. i was on the subway as early as 5 am and as late as 4 am. you just can't do that in dc. it sucks. a lot. for a city that is purely based on tourism, it makes no sense not to run the metro at all hours of the day. if you are trying to be a real city, this is what you do...but not here. fake ass city.

in ny, there is good food no matter where you go. people, no matter what the stereotypes are for new yorkers, will get you what you ask for quickly and usually without an attitude. in dc, you practically have to apologize when you order something and it is rarely ever worth the price. the quality is just not there. i'm not a good cook but i would rather make myself anything because it will no doubt taste the same. unless, of course, you're willing to spend $30 at a nice restaurant. i'm not, so it looks like mac and cheese again for me.

one thing i absolutely love about NYC and that DC will have next year is no smoking in bars. it's amazing how much better this makes the overall experience. we were in a bar on friday night and i couldn't figure out what was do different. then i realized i could see everyone around me because there wasn't a huge cloud of smoke. this is a great law and if you oppose this, you are a monkey fucker who deserves to be on display in a public square with a big sign that reads "I am here because I fucked a monkey" so that when people walk by they can say, "monkey fucker".

of course, the monkey fucker would have to be on display in NY because the metro stops running and the desired effect of putting the monkey fucker on display wouldn't be accomplished if it were no out at all hours, day and night.

no one is really going to argue that DC is a better city that NYC, but these are a few reasons why i like it more....that, and the blocks are 1/10 of a mile.

the end is in sight?

in case you are curious, yes, i am still printing. but there is a light and i almost see it.

at this point, i'd like to make this brief. the yankees are better than you. just remember that.

however, carl elliot is the man and therefore if it's the bottom of the 9th and you need 5 runs and have 2 outs, i'm pretty sure if you brought carl elliot into pinch hit, he would get you the 5 runs. why? because even though he is a college basketball player, he is the most clutch player i have seen since yesterday. regardless (holy self control), that shot was amazing and it's not often that your college is featured on espn top plays at #1 often if you are not a duke, unc or the like.

i'd like to say good bye to kirby puckett. kirby, we never met, but watching you play ball when i was a kid was awesome. from the catches you would make to the home runs you would hit to the smile on your face, it was clear you were a better person than ball player and you are a hall of fame ball player, so that makes you pretty damn special.

kirby puckett ran into some trouble once he left the game. i'd tell you what it was but i don't know and i don't care. the fond memories i have of him from a kid are what i attribute to the reasons why i have no recollection of his post career issues...that, or that 4 month span sophomore year where my jaw was locked and i liked to wear big, baggy pants with attaching strings for glow sticks...you make the call.

barry bonds...it was brought to my attention that last year i made the argument that we would never know for sure whether barry bonds did in fact use steroids...he is never going to hold a press conference to apologize, like giambi, so this book might be the closest we get to what the deal was...however, this is america, so don't believe everything you hear. should you choose to rip bonds to your friends or in the email or however, please read the book first and form your opinions from that. i'm not saying the information in the book isn't legit, i'm just saying draw your own conclusions fully informed....and realize that his ex-girlfriend is a provider of information on the book and that's just downright shady...why? because all chicks are crazy, especially ones mindfucked by barry bonds who claim he, in the past, choked her and said such pillow talk as "if you disappeared, no one would know". that's a dick comment but it would still mess with anyone.

lastly, if you trade for a pitcher midway through the baseball season and he has a great finish and is a major reason why you won the division, why wouldn't you give him a spot in the starting rotation? please, give chacon a spot in the rotation. it has to be that his contract isn't for millions over the next few years....and that's just flat out moronic.

i must leave you now, sorry for the lack of lunacy in todays post. when i am not so busy i can write more, but until then, please remember, hate is for the children and if you see spud master funk on the street, give the dog a pound.

Hey, guess what!

i'm still printing. 24 hours later and my life is no different.

but i did see this interesting post on craigslist today:

http://washingtondc.craigslist.org/hsh/138175933.html

Below i have tried to copy the posting, but i don't think the picture came through. Kindly follow the link and you should see what i'm referring to:

"Great set of matching Plunger, Toilet Brush, and Broom! It's a rare collection that is a once in a lifetime opportunity to own! This item is going to sell fast!!!!!!


this is in or around Arlington

no -- it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests"





That's kind of odd, right? for free or best offer of $1 you can have a broom with dustpan, a plunger and a poop scraper. what a sweet deal..unless the poop scraper has been used. sharing poop just ain't cool.

but seriously, someone posted this...why? why not use them yourself? by the looks of the picture, these are brand new materials, so why give them away? that's like buying an expensive car or something and giving it to the homeless man on the street asking for change.

i wonder if the toilet is included? perhaps the mirror or the 1970's shower curtain...man i like that shower curtain. that would go really well with my corduroy collection...which you know is crakaliscious and tasty if i might add.

but moving on, i guess my really long post about nothing actually made it onto the blog yesterday. this is bad because it makes me look like a moron for two reasons:
1. i posted the same stuff, in a condensed version, right after it and
2. if you actually read that, it makes me sound like a moron

if it walks, talks and acts like a duck...

anyway, i've run out of ideas due to my increased boredom. i'm heading up the new jersey for friday night, so i'm sure to get plenty of ammo to recharge my battery. odds are i come back with a spotty at best memory of friday night and am unable to move until sunday evening....at which point i will then have nothing to write about since i will have no memory. great.

anyone want to go to an ABA game in rockville on sunday at 6? a friend of mine from high school is playing and it should be a good time. let me know.

in conclusion, i'm still printing. i will be printing until i leave tonight at 7:30. why haven't you killed me yet?

And now....

a romantice encounter with someone in the tertiary stage of ciphillis:

"hey, tonight's been great..want to go back to my place"
"oh yeah, that'd be great, maybe we can make whoopie"
"bitch, you know what i want"
"and i want to give it to you, just like X"

back at the house:

"i should probably tell you, i have ciphillis and this ain't your daddy's ciphillis. this is tertiary stage. untreatable as well as making me crazy."
"well, i didn't know that and i think i should leave."
"perhaps you didn't understand me. i'm not crazy like crazy for doing this or crazy for you. i'm straight up crazy...what you should understand at this point is you're gonna die. my question is do you want me to kill you or do you want to take a ride to pleasure town with me? either way, i'm killing you."
"why, what's wrong with you...why can't i just leave?"
"perhaps you didn't understand fully...hello, ciphillis, tertiary stage...any of this getting through? pleasure town or not bitch?"

i am so bored at work. i had been printing for two straight hours. in the middle of that, i began writing a post about how bored i was and then drifted into that..understand my post was 25 minutes of stream o' consciousness writing. it was long. really really long. to the point where i wrote at least 10 times that i expected no one to be reading anymore. none of it was funny. the only parts i liked were the ciphillis conversation and at one point where i reference my roommate's girlfriend who also happens to be my sister. it was gold.

realize it took 20 minutes of writing to get to those "high points" for me. then my printing took a turn for the worst and i lost my entire post. that was probably best for all of us. then i tried to write another post to explain that and my printer f-ed me again. now i have stopped printing to bring this to you.

i leave you with this closing line:
"it's ciphilis, that's why."

MAKE IT STOP!

boredom does not begin to explain what i feel right now. i just took a tape roll and slowly unrolled it until it was at a length where i could throw it across to my officemate. it didn't reach but at least it made a really loud noise...mission accomplished. but why stop there? why not run around my office screaming make it stop so someone realizes how miserable this is...most. boring. project. ever. print, then watch the page numbers slowly tick by...then print...repeat that 200 times and then move down your list of 80 people and repeat. it's 4:31 pm...i've been printing since 3 pm. what do i do when i am done printing? scan everything and save it to our system and then file it. so that's 3 places where this information is stored. there is a giant wad of tape surrounding me right now...i think it goes well with my shirt because clear goes great with purple. that's right, purple shirt with matching purple tie. what? wanna fight about it? i'm pretty sure my black pants with grey stripes don't go with the shirt but i could care less because i'm printing and you don't need to look good to print. i bet you're saying, "you could read the internet while you wait"...no, i can't. i can read one page at a time. can't change addresses, can "goto next page", can't go "back"...just have to read the advertisments on the side and they're really not entertaining at all.

then, after 1.5 hours i realize i started a blog for these very reasons...then i realized the blod will be terrible because there is no good rant other than boredom from printing and that's boring...holy redundancy. now you know how i feel.

i just pushed print on a 296 page document. 50 pages takes about 4 minutes...you do the math, i'm too bored to think.

nothing exciting has happened to me today at all. yesterday i woke up to some woman having an orgasm on the howard stern show...that was quite an awakening...today, nothing like that happened...had some cereal, got on the metro, nothing fun happened there. got into work, no emails to read, worked out, came back, sat down, stood up, ate, sat down, stood up, drank, sitting down, throwing tape, typing, boring you with my boredom.

is anyone still reading? i'm just going to type and hope i say something funny so that i amuse myself. if i could post a picture on this it would be of a blank piece of paper to fully express the excitement in my life. i can see the sales pitch:

and here we have a blank piece of paper!!!! intricately designed with nothing on it! supplies are not limited because this is what i will be working on for the next 2 weeks!

man, don't you wish i could post pictures.

the pace is picking up. 96 pages in 5 minutes. at this rate i could be out of her in april and that ain't bad.

have i asked you to kill me yet? i think it did.

if you're still reading you have officially entered verbal diahrria...that and how the hell do you spell diahhria? is that right? i would spell check but the spell check on this thing is just not worth it. i don't think i have used one capital letter yet and that means it will pick up every word at the begining of a sentence...wow, now i can't spell words i could spell in 2nd grade...in spell check "2nd" would get picked up...shoot me. right in the part of the head where spelling is so at least i have an excuse.

are you really still reading. i did get an amazing forward today from my sister's boyfriend, also known as my roommate...i can say that because no one is reading...hey that was funny.

the forward was a point system you can get at work by doing annoying things. for example, you can get 3 points for walking around with your fly down and when someone informs you of this, you say, "i know, that's the way i prefer it"...40 year old virgin:
son: "i really prefer vaginal intercourse"
dad: "he really does"

scary.

anyway, another is you sprint a full lap around your office..not happening. i think my favorite is paging yourself over the intercom...that's just brilliant. i think a more feasable one is walking into the kitchen and drinking straight from the water cooler spout...people have to be in there to witness it for points, but it's a good idea. especially if there are 5 people in there as there usually are...man, that would go over about as well as ciphillis...and that doesn't go over well. you ever hooked up with someone with ciphillis? it goes kind of like this:

"why are you acting so crazy"
"oh that? that's just the ciphillis...it's cool, i'm in the tertiary stage so there is no cure at this point? wanna touch my penis?"
"umm, no thanks, i don't want to catch it"
"maybe you didn't hear me...tertiary stage..HELLO. if you don't touch my penis i'm going to go looney and kill you and if you do touch my penis i'm g