Finally...

There comes a time in a man's life when he needs a good talking to. Maybe he is changing into something he shouldn't be. Maybe he is ending sentences with prepositions. Who really knows. But sometimes, a man needs a talking to and who better to give it to him than an 11 year old fat mexican kid from the bronx. right?

We have a dress code at my school. Kids have to wear a uniform and keep their shirts tucked in. Pretty simple and straight forward. We never have problems with the kids not wearing the uniform but they sure love to not tuck in their shirts. Popular reasons range from, "it looks stupid" to "it looks gay." The most frequently heard one is the latter.

Last Friday was a good deal for all intents and purposes. The sun was shining, the weekend was on the horizon, there was a baseball game that afternoon and I was in a good mood. Second period was about to begin and this kid didn't have his shirt tucked in. I asked him to tuck it in and he got a little wise, so I pulled him out of line and asked him to tuck in his shirt again. He talked back again, so I decided today would be the day I stopped allowing this little punk to talk back. With a smile on my face I told him to stop talking back and tuck in his shirt. He spoke back so I repeated myself. This happened twice more, to the point where I began a little lecture for him on what talking back was and told him to shut his mouth and tuck in his shirt. He decided to turn slightly away from me and say, "Bitch."

It was awesome. I heard him clearly and he knew it. I said, "What did you say?" and he said he didn't say anything. I asked him again what he said, his face went white and then he said, "I said OK." He didn't say OK. He called me a bitch...and I laughed. I was right in his face (probably a no no) trying to get him to admit what he said so I could hear it out of his mouth again. I was loving this and laughing my ass off on the inside and barely being able to control it on the outside. I told him this is a very big deal and asked what he said and he admitting to "saying a bad word." I responded, "Yes you did, no come with me." We went to the principal's office. The assistant principal was walking out of the office and I told her he called me a bitch. She gave a shocked look and had him sit in the office. I was loving this because I was getting to curse for free at school and I couldn't get over the fact that a 4'3" kid with more necks than me called me a bitch. The principal was in the office and she asked what happened. I told her he called me a bitch and she responded, "You called a teacher that? At this school? Get your mother on the phone."

Our go-to at school is to call the parents when anything happens. He said his mom didn't have a cell phone, to which the principal responded, "I don't care what your mother doesn't have. You get her on the phone immediately." As he began dialing, the principal said to him, "Who's the bitch now!"

IT WAS AMAZING. The assistant principal and I ran out of the office because we couldn't hide out laughter. It was AWESOME. My day was only getting better.

Eventually, his dad came in so we could sit down and make it clear to the kid how big of a deal it was. His father doesn't speak English, so in Spanish he is saying that he needs to apologize. The kid wouldn't apologize at first, which made me laugh again, and then the father said that he was going to take away his computer, gameboy, etc. The kid's response to this? "Por cuando tiempo" aka "For how long?"

AWESOME! He doesn't care he is in trouble. He doesn't care he called the teacher a bitch. He's just curious how long he will be without his privileges if he doesn't apologize.

At that, I laughed out loud and everyone looked at me like what is wrong with me? I expressed that he doesn't get it and that should be that. He eventually apologized but I think he now realizes I get to shit on him whenever I want from now on because of this. It was great. Last Friday was one of my favorite days at school yet.

Do Not Watch This Movie....

I've advocated this once and only once. 1 time only in my entire life have I put the infinite, under no circumstance, in no way shape or form, not even with a gun to your head and you'd have to be even smellyier than a turd sandwich or even douchyer than a douchebag to watch the movie: 21.

Just say fuck you. Say fuck you to whoever thinks about recommending this movie. If Netflix recommends this movie to you, throw your computer out the window in protest. A giant eff you goes to whoever bastardized the book or even worse, took what should have been SO EASY TO WRITE and make decent, only no. You had to go and fox it all up with your inaccurate story lines and your horrible choices in actors and just an awful, awful, awful all around script. I'm not a movie critic...mainly because I can watch awful movies. But not this time. You fucked up, people who worked on 21. And I'm cursing this much even though my mom reads this now. Hi mom.

Anyway, don't watch this movie.

Finally, QP Live now on Twitter. Why? Because if my real self went on Twitter, I'd have to kill myself.