I can't be held responsible for the things I say or write...


I'm just saying it's something to be thinking about.

Just another couple of thoughts I thought I should put on paper:

1. Women get upset when you leave the toilet seat up. Most common reason given: if they are not paying attention and the seat is up, they can fall in.

Here's my rebuttal:

WHO DOESN'T PAY ATTENTION? You've got to be joking me...and don't tell me that if you get up in the middle of the night you aren't necessarily paying attention. As a guy, it's a lot easier to miss the toilet entirely in the middle of the night. But it just doesn't happen that much because, well, we pay attention. Really it's not that hard to pay attention when you're doing your business. And keep in mind that when a man goes to the bathroom and the seat is down, traditionally he lifts it up. Are you telling me he has to pay damn good attention to realize this or are you are one of those crazy people who thinks that this comes natural after using the bathroom 3-7 times a day for, say, his entire life? follow?

2. How does a per with fake hands wipe themselves? More directly, how does a person with hooks for hands do this?

Here's what I never want to have to deal with ever. Say you got hooks for hands and they are new. Obviously, you're just not adjusted to life with them yet. Maybe you picked up on it when you were kicked off the basketball court for popping the ball or maybe you realized you were different when you got kicked out of your condo complex after murdering the neighbors dog in a petting gone wrong. I'm not here to determine when you realized things were different but I am here to speculate that it was the very first time you tried to wipe your ass.

Nothing is more uncomfortable than not cleansing after a sit down. Really, it's a slippery, itchy feeling that we can all do without. So you got these rad hooks for hands and then you go to clean yourself up and then WHAT THE you feel something you never thought you would ever feel...and you're asking yourself if you can really go to the hospital to have you hand removed from your ass. But say you strategically get the paper wrapped around the hook and you attempt the unthinkable. One slip. That's all. One slip and you're now excreting for two. And try explaining to the doctor that you need more pain medication, but not for your hand...rather, your second dump stop (glory hole).